My Internet Dating Experience: Part 2: What it taught me?

online-dating-sitesThis is one of those questions that seemed a lot easier until I actually started writing an answer, but I shall give it my best shot.

I have ended up chatting with friends a lot about relationships lately (which I think may have something to do with the fact that I’m getting married in three weeks…probably should go back and fill that whole thing in given that I have been engaged for two years at this point oops.. but for now, back to my learnings) and I have have come to a pretty simple understanding of dating – it’s half luck and half skill.

Let me explain that a little further:

The half luck is the tricky part because its basically a matter of meeting a person you click with, and there are certainly things you can do to increase the chances of this happening but in the end luck is luck.

The skill I am talking about isn’t about pick up lines or the ability to pick the correct outfit, it’s about admitting that we aren’t all naturally good at dating (pretty sure I am still in this camp, I was just lucky enough to meet someone who was attracted enough to me that they overlooked the awkwardness and endless chatter) and that just means you need to PRACTICE. You need to date A LOT – this does not mean that you should go out with someone you are not attracted to, but it does mean that you should say yes to opportunities. This (three paragraphs in) is where we get to the point of this post – internet dating lets you ‘meet’ more people to say yes to going on a date with, particularly if your current life set up doesn’t lead to meeting a lot of new people.

Because, you see, the aim of all this PRACTICE is so you are ready when lady luck smiles upon you. Ready to recognise when the right person enters your life, ready to feel a little sure of yourself and ready to jump in. I think they got the term ‘falling in love’ a little wrong. See, in my mind, before the falling begins there is the all-important, often scary, but always necessary, need to jump.

Internet dating is a tool, there are many others, but I think it’s a great way for those who are a little rusty or have never ventured into dating before to start meeting new people and get some practice in.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

ttfn,

Bec

Image from:https://ruthrutherford.wordpress.com/

 

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My Internet Dating Experience: Part 1: Top tips

online-dating-sitesPrior to meeting the boy (because who really thinks that while on exchange in Scotland (aka the other side of the world) on a bus tour of the local attractions is the time you will meet the love of your life?), I made the (slightly daunting) venture into the world of internet dating. And while I can’t say that it was successful in my case, it taught me a lot about myself and about dating in general (at least a portion of which is what allowed me to see what I had, and have, in the boy).

Luckily at the time, I had a friend who passed on some excellent advice, and it is that advice I would like to pass along to you. Now, I am no internet dating expert (not that I’m sure there is such thing as an internet dating expert, but either way I’m not one), but I found it helpful to get some advice other than that which the sites themselves offer, and maybe you will too. (P.S. There will be 2 more parts come in this short series: what it taught me and would I recommend it – they will be linked here when they are live.)

So here goes:

1. Allow yourself a maximum of 5 must-haves and 5 deal-breakers

I’m sure we have all been guilty of constructing the perfect partner in our minds, from looks to profession, the list can be endless; but such a list is not going to see you get very far in the quest for love. Here’s the thing: you’re not perfect (there I said it), because no one is perfect, and expecting the person you’re dating to be is not just unfair, it’s guaranteed to end badly.

That said, having some (reasonable) expectations is a good thing, particularly in a dating environment where you will be sorting through two-dimensional descriptions of people before you get to meet them face-to-face.

This is where the 5 and 5 comes in – they allow you the comfort of system while leaving you open to possibility (a critical aspect of successful dating, full stop).

2. Never chat online for more than a week before meeting in person

This one is probably a little bit controversial, but hear me out. In my mind, the aim of internet dating to introduce you to people you would not other wise have met, who you then quickly meet (and if things go well) then start dating in the three-dimensional real world.

No matter how detailed a site’s matching system may be (and thus how many hours you spent completing your profile) nothing can replace the instant YES or NO you get from meeting someone in person.  Hence, the one week rule.

If chatting has been going well, you need to make sure that your idea of the potential for the relationship meets the reality, and that means meeting in person.

3. I highly recommend coffee dates as first dates

Given the new one week rule, you may need to go on a few first dates before you find someone you gel with. So, do yourself a favour and keep things simple.

Arrange a coffee for mid-morning at a nice public coffee shop (safety is still important here people so make sure there are other people around), and put yourself in the perfect position. See, an 11am coffee leaves you with plenty of options – if the date goes well, you can stretch it into lunch, and an afternoon activity, or frankly as long as you like; if it doesn’t go well, you can always have ‘arranged lunch plans’ at 1pm, allowing for a smooth get away.

Bonus tip: Some may disagree with me here, but I haven’t seen it work any other way. If the first date isn’t good, chances are the second date won’t be better. If you not feeling it the first time you meet,  it’s likely not meant to be. So, thank them for their time, wish them luck in their search for Mr/Mrs Right, and move on to the next profile. Love definitely evolves and changes over time, but if on date one the sparks aren’t there, love is very unlikely to follow.

Let me know your thoughts

ttfn,

Bec

Image from:https://ruthrutherford.wordpress.com/

 

 

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A quick update then back to the posts

Time flies when you are learning to be a grown up, and sometimes (maybe) blogs fall to side for a (long while). So here is a life update in 5 points, and a summary of what you can expect for future posts.

1. We moved flat- same area, just more us

2. We are getting married in less than 4  months – I know, crazy right, but the date is set for 7/8/15 and we seem to have almost everything organised

3. I have now been at my job for over a year and am still really enjoying it. I have moved on from the huge adjustment that is working full-time for the first time, and seem to be getting into a bit more of a groove with it all.

4. I bought a car, only significant in that it is the most expensive thing I have ever signed my name to – it’s practical and pretty and (very weirdly for me) doesn’t have a name. I plan to drive it till is dies – did I mention how scary signing your name to a car is?

5. I have started postgrad study (having finally finished the diploma I decided to start in the second year of my degree – I think decisions around study should be a topic for another post) – at the end of 2014 (I get to graduate again this coming June/July). So, I thought it was time to enter the big-leagues of post-grad study while working full-time (possibly not the most well thought out decision, but as I’ve come to be catch-phrased with many things in life – it’ll be fine.).

So, there you go, you have been caught up on a year in my life in five dot points.

On the beingbec front, here’s what you can expect from in a blog post a week:

  • a short-series on my experience with internet dating
  • reviews on books I read and movies I see
  • a on-going series on this thing they call “being a grown-up”
  • and plenty more

For those that have hung around, thank you; and for those that have randomly found me, thank you too. I look forward to sharing a bit more of my (odd) life with you if you want to come along.

ttfn,

Bec

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Holy Changes to Bec’s Life Update Batman

So, it has been a while and A LOT has changed – so here is the giant update to get you caught up and me back into the blogging mood.

Change 1: I have a new job! I have conquered what I was starting to think might be the impossible – I have found a really great full time job straight out of uni. Full credit must to my best friend for connecting me to the company in the first place – they are a really good group of people and the organisation is doing really cool things – which is a really nice combination. Tomorrow will mark the end of my second week, and I guess I feel like I now have between 3/4 and one of my feet on solid ground, though I’m sure my brain will be in a constant state of information absorption for at least a few more months to come.

Change 2: We moved! To fit in with the whole new job thing we have moved city and place of living. The boy and I have ventured into the grown-up world of property rental, with a cute little 2 bed flat to call our own. We are still learning our way around the new area (so don’t quote me on this) but I don’t seeing us wanting to move away from here anytime soon. There is something nice about being somewhere quieter, about cutting the daily commute from between an hour and an hour and a half to twelve minutes, and something exciting about starting afresh.

I’m excited to see where this new adventure leads.

ttfn,

Bec

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Bec Reviews: Frozen

Frozen-movie-poster

I don’t think it’s any secret that I am a lover of Disney. The Lion King was the first movie I ever saw in cinemas, and it’s still one of my favourites, so it would be fair to say that I went into Frozen with high hopes. To say that my expectations were met would be an understatement, Frozen is the best movie (and definitely the best children’s movie) I have seen in quite some time. Brave is probably the movie that has come closest (I told you I like Disney) but Frozen, in my mind, was a step above.

So what was this step above – a true return to magical, epic, completely addictive and highly sing-along-able Disney music! Think Lion King level of story-telling music; with clever, well written lyrics and tunes you will happily listen to over and over again (or at least I will, I downloaded the album off iTunes and now have it on my laptop, my phone and a CD in my car). Now it’s true that not everyone likes musicals as much as I do, and some people (i.e. the boy) don’t enjoy listen to Disney music on repeat as much as I do – but if you like Disney and/ or musicals it’s fair to say you will LOVE Frozen.

With all of that said, I should probably give you a quick plot summary (no spoilers, promise). Frozen is an animated Disney movie loosely based on the Hans Cristian Andersen fairytale The Snow Queen. It follows the story of Anna (Kristen Bell), Elsa (Idina Menzel), Kristoff, Sven the Reindeer and Olaf the magic, talking snow man. Anna, Kristoff, Sven and ring-in Olaf set off on a quest to bring back Anna’s sister Elsa. Elsa is princess of Arendelle, whose icy powers have accidentally sent Arendelle into an external winter. Adventure ensues, great songs are sung, and a message about what’s really important in life comes across load and clear.

So, if you have seen Frozen yet, I highly recommend it. It’s a fantastic family feel-good film (yes to all the alliteration) that will be loved by kids and adults alike; and has raced it’s way to the top of my favourite Disney movies.

ttfn, Bec

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Into the great beyond aka life after uni

On December 10 of 2013 I graduated with my undergraduate university degree, a significant achievement to be sure, but as quickly as the excitement around graduation built it was met by a single reoccurring question – what comes next? For those who have chosen a study route with a clearly defined professional end point (i.e. a teaching degree makes you qualified to be a teacher), this may seem like an odd point, but for those whose path is not quite so clearly defined, you may find my situation a little more relatable.

Let me explain a little further. Schooling life (i.e. the years we spend attending formal educational institutions) to this point, flowed clearly from one to the next. In Queensland, Australia; this process now consists of two distinct phases – primary school and high school – and then an array of options beyond that, or so it would seem. I guess the difference for me, as I am sure it is for many people, was that undergraduate university was always the defined third stage in the educational plan. So it is now, at the completion of this third stage, that the world of endless possibilities opens before me. Is it exciting ? Yes. It is also slightly terrifying and a little overwhelming? Yes and Yes. Now throw into the mix that as the best (be it a very unplanned) part of educational stage three, I met a completely amazing man on the other side of the world, feel hopelessly in love (see links here, here and here) and am now incredibly lucky to have in Australia with me; and things get a whole lot clearer (personally) and a whole lot fuzzier (professionally) all at the same time.

So where are things at right now? I am applying for a lot of jobs, becoming more and more familiar with selection criteria and interview processes, and work hard to ensure the uncertainty never overwhelms the brilliance of possibility.

Where to from here? The boy and I working to solidly stand on our own two feet and figure out where we want to head next on this crazy adventure called life. Things are sure to not go according to plan, but that’s half the fun, right ?

ttfn,

Bec

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We should all want to be Hufflepuffs: Part 2

This post has been a long time in the making, but one I felt was too important to just skip over. So, without any further ado, here are “The reasons we should all want to be Hufflepuffs” (based on the life experiences of Bec).

I guess I would class myself as weird, not eccentric in a hipster kind of way, but just plain odd. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think badly of myself for this, in fact I embraced my oddness, made in my badge of honour in fact, many years ago. That’s not to say that being yourself (whatever combination of odd, ‘normal’ and numerous other factors that may be) is easy, but it is most certainly worth it. But what does all this have to do with being a Hufflepuff I hear you ask – nothing and everything is probably the best answer.

See, to me, the main aims of life should be to do the right thing WHILE being yourself. See, both missions require courage, but not the big, flashy Griffyndor kind; the internal kind the pushes you through adversity and struggle because you know better things lie beyond. It’s also true that this two part goal requires brains, but not the ‘memorise the books’ Ravenclaw sort; an intelligence that is as much about understanding yourself as it is being able to accurately assess the situation. And finally, it requires a sort of pride, but not the boastful Slytherin type, a pride that comes from being as proud of your achievements as you are of the lessons you learnt from the challenges you’ve faced.

I guess then, in the odd mind of Bec, being a true Hufflepuff is taking the best quality of all the other houses and adding a large splash of humility – the result is a wizard (or muggle) who strives to be as good to themselves as they are to others.

I would love your thoughts on whether this makes any sense outside the oddness of my mind :)

ttfn,

Bec

P.S. For the Hufflepuff-themed back story look no further than here

P.P.S. If you like what you see, please like beingbec on Facebook

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